It is a beautiful thing to stand at this threshold, and perhaps the most important thing to know is that you do not need a childhood of religious formation to be welcomed; what matters most is the sincere desire that has brought you here. The tradition holds that this very willingness is itself a sign of God’s movement in the heart, for “a firm will to enter religion is a safe mark of a vocation to the religious state, provided that the motives are good and no serious obstacle exists. This firm will itself is a special grace of God” [2]. Your openness is not merely a human curiosity but can be understood as a grace already at work within you.
I wonder if it might also bring you peace to hear that faith often begins more in the intellect and the will than in overwhelming feelings, especially for those coming to it fresh. There is a profound consolation in knowing that “others enter it only when their mind has become so enlightened as to discover the vanity and dangers of the world, and when they see clearly the greater security of salvation in the religious state. These latter persons may even be somewhat dull in their affection for this state, and not so inclined, humanly, to follow that which reason and faith point out to them… This second kind of vocation is better than the first, and more generally approved by those who are experienced in such matters; for, being grounded on reason and faith, it is less subject to error” [2]. You need not feel a deficiency because your path begins with questions rather than inherited sentiments; a faith built on thoughtful search is deeply valued.
If you are wondering what concrete step to take next, the simplest and most foundational beginning is to speak to God just as you are, asking for the light to see the way forward. We are reminded that “prayer is the divinely appointed means of obtaining grace. ‘Ask, and you shall receive; that your joy may be full.’ … St. Liguori says: ‘We should pray earnestly to God to make known to us His will, whatever may be the state He has in store for us’” [5]. You might also consider finding a priest or a parish where you feel at ease, since “your best adviser is your confessor. Through his own vocation he receives special helps from God” to guide souls in the beginning [5]. He can walk with you patiently through the teachings and the sacraments at a pace that honors your journey.